OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
