she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize