a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
