Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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