the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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