I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
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you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
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I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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