He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
