let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
