You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
