I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
