I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
