Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
