come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
