i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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