I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
