I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
