watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
