she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
