you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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