Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
