Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
