We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
