Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
