so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize