the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just high enough for therapy.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
