Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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