apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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