I think I died a long time ago.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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