i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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