Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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