She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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