He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
