Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Christians are straight up FREAKS
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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