i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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