you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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