and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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