After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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