We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
