I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
im six kinds of drunk right now
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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