in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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