I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
