my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She even gives head with a lisp.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
