I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize