I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
