I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
