Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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