You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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