I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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