So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
