i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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