OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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