I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
