I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This is my life. Enjoy the view
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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