sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
