I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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