Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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