Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
