I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
