My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize