so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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