i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
As shirtless as possible
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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