she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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