Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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