One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
