I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
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i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
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