Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
