That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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