Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
